


Remember This

by jumpingjaxx13



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Angel Queenie, Anniversary, Fluff, Getting Together, Insecure Newt, M/M, Mummy Newt, Period-Typical Homophobia (Minor/Mentioned), Rating May Change, memory problems
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 13:18:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9125413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jumpingjaxx13/pseuds/jumpingjaxx13
Summary: There were a great deal of things Jacob Kowalski had trouble remembering, but Newt wasn't one of them. He knew that goofy smile and dewy eyes and massive heart. Just... Not their anniversary.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, look! My very first multi-chapter piece!

There were a great lot of things that Jacob Kowalski couldn’t remember; where he left his keys, for example, or what he had eaten the night before. They told him this was normal and that these brief lapses in recall shouldn’t concern him- that he should be thankful of remembering at all that which had passed. Interruptions and inhibitors had ruined the impact of the rain on his skin, leaving his mind bewildered as to where reality and fantasy met. It was in these blurred lines that he recognized them, and he clung to those memories like a life force. 

 

Men who had been obliviated weren’t meant to recover that which was taken from them; that much, they had made more than clear. He understood this in its nature, but the concept of forgetting was too unfeasible; forget his friends? Go along his merry way without remembering gentle tendrils in his mind from the fearless Queenie, or the determination and strength of Tina which had saved him, or the lopsided smile on Newt’s face as he exuberantly rattled on about the creatures he had devoted himself to? It couldn’t be comprehended. No, despite the alterations to his memory, he wouldn’t trade this for the world- not  _ any  _ world.

 

This wasn’t to say this was an easy feat or that his blips were simple to overcome. Even with the support of his friends, he still struggled daily with the challenges his recovery prompted. The first of these challenges came in everyday things, such as the aforementioned misplacement of keys. Occasionally, he would leave the oven on only to scramble back in a hurry before his beloved bakery was burnt to a crisp. Other times, he would forget the name of those who held his dearest affection. He hated the flicker of disappointment in their eyes as they watched him struggle to place their names on his tongue and the pitiful smile on their lips as they reminded him. Jacob had taken to writing them on the back of his hand if only to assure recollection when necessary. Not once had they gotten upset with him over this, but the distress he forced upon himself made every sigh burn.

 

The second challenge which faced him had little to do with the plasticity of his mind, but what it contained. Someone without blood ties to the magical world had no business being aware of it, and Jacob was about as non-magical as a ‘No-Maj’ (or ‘muggle,’ as Newt insisted on calling them) could get. There had never been anything particularly special about him, which is what made blending in easy in the short term. So long as he didn’t speak of  _ nifflers _ and  _ bowtruckles  _ and  _ obscurial _ , then suspicion shouldn’t come his way in the eyes of the MACUSA. Granted, if life were that simple, then his third and final challenge would not have been a notable problem in the slightest.

 

After all, it was difficult to play the part of the oblivious no-maj when one both courted and lived with a wizard. 

* * *

 

Queenie knew before either of them recognized the symptoms, such was the gift of legilimist. It began in those unguarded moments where she couldn’t help but overhear the thoughts which tumbled about in their heads. The thing about only having been recently introduced to someone with her gifts was that one was not accustomed to guard thoughts which had previously been regarded as innately private. This wasn’t to say that these invasions were purposeful, but they occurred all the same. 

 

“He likes you, you know,” she had mused, her voice light and inviting as ever. She had decided to take a day for the two of them, which mostly involved cleaning up after Jacob’s messy production. The both of them were elbow-deep in sudsy water, the basic solution burning their skin as they scrubbed soiled dishes to prepare them for use the following day. The peak of the business day was long past, the sun kissing the horizon signaling that evening was near- the instinctive curfew people all over the world followed dutifully. 

 

Jacob glanced over, a slight smile on his face as he noted her comment. After years of war and prejudice, it was nice to be genuinely liked by someone, much less by many people. “Yeah, I know he does. He’s said it before.”

 

“And you like him, too.” It was less of a question and more of an observation- something he had come to expect from her over time. There was no point in lying to her, not really- she could see through even the thickest of walls in a heartbeat.

 

He nodded in response. “Of course I do. He’s my friend. I’d say it would be hard to dislike a guy like him.”

 

Queenie quirked a brow, an inquisitive intuition glimmering in her eye. “Yes, it would, but that’s not what I’m saying, honey. Listen to me, darling; he  _ likes  _ you, and you  _ like  _ him.”

 

Jacob turned to look at her, amused bewilderment clear on his face. “I  _ know _ . Why are we talking like  _ this _ ?” His words were met with a resigned sigh- one that he recognized as a reaction to his own ironic obliviousness from past events. Inwardly, he blanched: had he forgotten something again?

 

A gentle hand covered his own under the water, fingers brushing delicately over his knuckles. “Oh, sweetie…” she mumbled, smiling up at him with her warm, red smile. “You don’t understand yet, do you? I didn’t want to tell you your feelings for you, but maybe it’s for the better.” Fingers intertwined with his own, slick with soap even under the water.

 

“Baby doll, you’re in love with him. And he’s in love with you. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, alright? Sweetheart, are you hearing me?” Dainty hands gave his larger ones a squeeze, but elicited no response other than that dazed, confused stare. Where he lacked in outward reaction, however, he raged in inner turmoil. 

 

He… was in love… with Newt Scamander? A man? A very good friend of a man, at that? It didn’t seem right… Jacob Kowalski was, such as many were, a God-fearing man and homosexuality was not only a sin, but a crime. Not last year, a dozen men were arrested for sodomic acts and faced years in prison for it. How could he, a man who has wanted nothing more than to gift the world with a little sweetness and joy, be akin to  _ them-  _ those  _ sinful  _ **_criminals_ ** ?

 

It was impossible to fathom, yet fitting all the same. God-fearing men did not associate with witchcraft and wizardry nor those who practiced it, yet here he was with a witch’s hand wrapped around his own without a single qualm to be found. In this fashion, he supposed he  _ was  _ a man unlike any other, though he couldn’t help but wonder if that were a good thing…

 

The sealing factor was Newt himself. His startle was warranted, but completely irrational- this was Newt Scamander, of all people! Nothing involving that wonder of a man could possibly be sinful. His friend reminded him of a tattered angel, marks littering his perfect body from brutal encounters with nervous creatures which he nursed under his halo all the same; an angel whose wings broke just enough to allow him purchase on the ground and a hovel in Jacob’s life. How many times had he stared in awe as the faux sun illuminated his body perfectly, not a shadow in sight to obscure his view as he tended to his creatures. Newt always appeared his happiest crouched by the nest of some hatchlings, cooing and fussing over them like the mother hen he was. Never before in his life had he encountered a man so pure and warm hearted as he, and even being in his presence seemed to lighten the room. 

 

Come to think of this, how could he have gone so long without realizing that which he had just attempted to counter? 

 

Many moments passed before a consensus between the two of them that the rest of this venture should be- and  _ would  _ be- enacted through his own hands. What use would this be if he could not confront Newt himself? Despite her insistence contrariwise, the fear of rejection stymied Jacob’s efforts for what felt like an eternity but was in reality a handful of days. 

 

The following Saturday, Jacob shimmied down into the massive expanse of the suitcase, a comforting warmth soothing the rippling goosebumps over his arms. Much like the man who carried it, the environment was open and accepting to any who required solace, and he was ashamed to admit that he’d spent far too much of his time in this magical hovel over the past few days rather than properly committing himself to his bakery. This wasn’t to say he had grown disenchanted with the cozy, doughy aroma that greeted him nor the gaping smiles of children as they took note of his treats, but something distracted him to the point where he’d burnt his fifth batch of nifflers. While he preferred to believe that the decision to finally truncate this string of internal distraction, the way Queenie shooed him out the door told the full story. 

 

Bringing himself back to the present, Jacob adjusted the collar of his shirt and stepped further into the case, eyes scanning the surrounding area. With all the adapted biomes available for creatures of every type, one could easily get lost looking for a specific creature- especially when the creature is the caretaker of all others, requiring him to travel from section to section. Such a gentle, wandering beast… 

 

In the end, said creature was not nearly as difficult to find as he previously thought. All he had to do was follow the elated coos and squeaks complimented by affectionate murmurs and fusses to lead him directly to the man in question. Like he had countless times before, Jacob stood in place, doe eyes locked on the scene before him. 

 

“It’s alright,” Newt muttered, fingers tucked under the jaw of a squirming occamy infant, narrowly dodging a daring nip. Teeth burrowed into his lower lip, brow creased in concentration as his face got dangerously close to that of the distressed creature. Once he took a closer look, Jacob noticed the splinter jutting from the junction which Newt held so carefully. 

 

“Easy does it, now, love. It’s almost there…” Skillful fingers closed around the edge of the intrusion, slowly removing it with practiced ease. With the extraction came a drop of blood, more due to the unfortunate position of the wound than anything Newt could have done. Alas, creatures such as this- especially those in their infancy- could not comprehend such a complicated sequence of cause and effect and promptly lashed out at its savior. 

 

The tip of its beak caught Newt at the prime of his wrist, the thin line stretching from just below the base of his palm to the lowest crease of his fist. The wound began to bleed immediately. Jacob gasped, stepping forward with hurried distress before being stopped by a sideways glance and an outstretched hand. Not knowing what more to do, the no-maj froze in his tracks, watching with concern leaking into his typical awe as the caretaker calmed his child.

 

The bite had hurt- Newt wasn’t about to deny that- but he’d been hurt far worse by far more potent creatures than a baby occamy. He had long since trained himself to maintain a calm, collected composure before an agitated creature and did so masterfully on nearly every occasion. Rather than react outwardly, he simply frowned down at the infant, showing it his hand. 

 

“Now, see, look what you did! That wasn’t very nice, was it?” he prompted, as if lecturing a small child who’d poked fun at its sibling. Amazingly enough, the effect was almost identical as the creature appeared to shrink back in shame. Dewy eyes looked up at him, a signature swaying and nearly inaudible squawking clearly displaying a certain regret. Anyone who claimed that animals experienced no emotional range had surely never interacted with one as an equal.

 

“Go on, then. Apologize to mummy.” The occamy leaned forward, something akin to a purr rumbling as it nuzzled its beak against the wound. The action stung and irritated it, but the affectionate intention and appearance of longing for forgiveness numbed any pain he may have felt. Smiling softly, Newt raised his free hand and ran his fingers through the delicate feathers atop its head. 

 

“Good girl. It’s alright, I forgive you. You’ve got to work on your manners, though. It’s not proper to bite someone after they’ve helped you.” A final chirrup seemed to seal the deal for him, as he withdrew his hand and finally rose to his feet. Newt flexed his wounded hand once he had turned away from the infant, only then showing any signs of distress. His lips curved downward, brow furrowing as if contemplating something of great importance before he headed off toward the landing of the suitcase where the medical supplies were kept. 

 

“Evening, Jacob,” he mused, voice hardly reflecting any damage done. Jacob followed dutifully after him, watching the swing of his step for any irregularities. So far, the only negative element of this arrangement was the lack of knowledge Jacob had over any of these magnificent creatures. Whether the fault of his own memory or the subject never having been brought up, it took a great effort to recall which beasts’ attacks held the potential  _ unique  _ side effects. Fortunately, a scratch from an occamy didn’t appear to be one of note. 

 

Meanwhile, Newt continued to talk as he led the way to the main entrance, eventually dropping to his knees to single-handedly dig through his collection of treatments. “Is it evening already? Could’ve sworn it’s only been a couple hours, but I guess time flies down here, doesn’t it?” Words grew muffled as he put the gauze in his mouth, using his teeth to help tie the knot around the wound. Satisfied by the work the simple fabric did, he looked back up at Jacob inquiringly. 

 

Jacob glanced at his watch, noting that a mere fifteen minutes had passed by since he first ventured down into the suitcase after a premature ending to a day’s work. “It’s not long past noon, actually,” he mused. “I, eh… I decided to get off early today. There’s something I wanted to talk to you about, and I figured we’d need some time to figure it out, you know?”

 

Perhaps that wasn’t the best way to bring up the subject, judging by the startling concern in Newt’s expression. Inwardly, he cursed himself for circumlocutory wording. While he didn’t spend too much time indulging him with stories of his schooldays, the lack of mention of friends (or meaningful relationships aside from a certain professor) led Jacob to believe that he hadn’t been joking when he claimed that he believed people found him annoying. How many times had he been brought up only to be knocked down? Children could often be crueler than any adult could imagine, and the thought of a young angel being mocked and criticized for his heart’s desires caused an icy grip around his own. What was he seeing now? Was he bracing himself for what he deemed an inevitable goodbye, chastising himself for opening up? Or was Jacob overthinking all of this and making a mountain out of a molehill? 

 

Putting his hands up, Jacob stepped over before placing one on his friend’s shoulder. “Hey, now. It’s nothing bad.”

 

“Never said it was,” Newt replied, but the relief was tangible in the release of tension in his shoulder. The tentative, perfectly uneven smile which truly identified him grew back once again, though he chided himself for even  _ considering  _ that Jacob might toss him aside like so many others had. If anything, he was the first to make him believe that he could be  _ likable  _ by his own means- how could he lose his dearest companion to something as juvenile as  _ whatever  _ it was he wanted to talk about. “I’m just tired is all. Dougal can be quite a handful when he sets his mind to it. I’ve been chasing him around all morning.”

 

Despite the sinking feeling of an excuse, Jacob nodded, dropping his hand back to his side- were his palms sweaty? They felt sweaty. He hoped they weren’t actually sweaty… A nervous laugh bubbled in his throat, threatening to burst through his barriers and ruin the already fragile moment. Should he be this nervous? It was only Newt. Then again, that was the exact reason to be nervous, for should he repel this magnificent wizard, he should hardly forgive himself. Jacob was more than aware that he was no great prize by anyone’s standards, but Newt Scamander was a different story altogether. 

 

Jacob trailed a hand through his hair, scratching absently at a phantom disturbance that he doubted even existed. “Right, well… You just gotta promise me that you won’t freak out, alright? Just figured you should know. No matter what, I still want to be your pal and I won’t let nothing change that, okay?” 

 

“Of course you’re my friend,” Newt insisted, crawling goosebumps rising over his skin at Jacob’s hesitance, now nearly certain that something had gone horribly wrong. Was it the bakery? Had he lost along with the countless others suffering from the fickleness of the stocks? As far as he had been aware, the homey little shop had been pushing through, but he rarely left the security of his case nowadays, perfectly nestled in the corner of Jacob’s flat. “You will always be my friend.”

 

“Yeah? Good. That’s good,” he muttered in response, teeth picking at the skin on his lip. At this point, going back ceased to be an option. Even if he were to somehow come up with a believable fib, the atmosphere that suffocated them now would permanently settle just beneath his chest. He’d been at war, but the battlefield had never given him this intense of an anxious thrill- it was a make or break deal, his confession, and it seemed much deeper than life or death.

 

“Alright. Here goes. Better to just rip the bandage off, right?” A long breath was drawn in through his nose, shoulders rolling back into a falsely confident posture. “Newt, I… God, I… I love you. Like, I’m _in_ _love_ with you. You get what I mean, right?”

 

His words were met with a blank stare directed toward his knees, Newt’s eyes appearing uncannily owlish in that moment. Fear curled around his gut, the icy chill polluting his veins and freezing him in place, making him the perfect victim of circumstance.  _ That expression… I’ve  _ **_never_ ** _ seen it before… _

 

Unable to bite back an uneasy chuckle, Jacob vacillated from foot to foot, his weight resting on either foot alternately. “Right… Ah, Newt? Buddy? You still there? Listen, you don’t have to do anything with that, and I’ll stay out of your way no problem. I just thought you should know, you know? You’re just so amazing, and I can’t really help it, but-” His ramblings were cut short by the parting of Newt’s lips, a soft, anticipatory breath being drawn in.

 

“You… You love… me?” The words tasted foreign on his tongue, rolling around his mouth but not gaining any purchase. “Me? You love  _ me?  _ Are you sure?”

 

Out of all the responses Jacob had expected, that was so far down on the list that he hadn’t even considered it. He blinked, as if trying to process the questions Newt threw at him. “Uhh, yeah. That’s what I said. Are you alright?”

 

Newt’s lips pursed, the crease of his brow growing thinner. “There must be some mistake. That’s not possible. You and Queenie-”

 

“I know. I know. That’s what I thought, too,” Jacob confessed, shrugging nonchalantly. “She’s the one who figured it out, actually. She’s been helping me out with all this, trying to tell you and all.”

 

“How?” 

 

Jacob paused. “How what?”

 

Clouded eyes finally rose from their fixed point below, perfect orbs of hazel kissed with speckles of green meeting his own of deep brown. Within them held in shattering insecurity, just barely masked through the wounded confusion. “How could you possibly be in love with me? If this is some sort of pity jump, I’ll have you know I’m not lonely. You don’t need to pretend for my sake.”

 

Completely dumbstruck, Jacob stared at his companion, unsure whether to laugh or chide him for his foolishness. For what felt like the longest eternity, silence thickened between them, permeated only by the resonating calls of darling creatures echoing throughout the case. 

 

“You… You’re joking right?” A quick giggle spilled from his lips, burning cheeks nearly lit aflame. “You  _ are  _ joking, aren’t you?”

 

“I’m afraid not,” came the reply. “I know I’m not the easiest chap to be around. I understand that you’re just trying to be nice, but honestly-”

 

“- _ But honestly _ , you are the most amazing person I’ve ever met.” Jacob’s interruption silenced the younger man just long enough for him to get his message across. “Listen, buddy, I don’t really mind if you’re not into me- most people aren’t. I’m no trophy or anything like that. But don’t you dare think for one second that you don’t deserve every ounce of love in this world, because you do, hear me? I might not remember all that much about life in general on a daily basis, but I’m certain of that. You are the sweetest, kindest, most intelligent, beautiful treasure of a man, magic or no magic. Anyone would be lucky as hell to catch your eye, and never let anyone tell you otherwise, alright? Because it’s true.”

 

Once again, heavy silence rested its full weight upon their shoulders, lungs struggling to obtain breath under such immense pressure. Jacob’s cheeks were tinted red, embarrassment and passion coalescing into one driving force as he maintained eye contact with the object of his affections. He’d gone too far- that much, he was more than aware of- but how far he’d pushed, he wasn’t sure. 

 

That was when he saw it. Plump moisture which had been building up in warm eyes bubbled over, sending a single streak down Newt’s perfectly sculpted cheek. Horror claimed his heart immediately, stomach churning as a lament to his punishment for being so unforgivably  _ foolish _ . Biting harshly on his lip, Jacob reached out, hesitant to place his hand anywhere on his friend.

 

“Did… Did you mean that? All of that?” Newt’s voice cracked with every syllable, the sound thick as if it were stuck in his throat. Such words of praise had never blessed him before, and he wasn’t completely sure how to process it. Unlike the affectionate nuzzles of innately loving creatures, a human’s regard was much more fickle and easier to negate, and such beasts were much more prone to exaggeration and lying than any other he had encountered before. 

 

“Eh..? Of course I meant it! Every last word.” His hand finally made contact with a narrow shoulder, thumb tracing soothing circles. How could such a lithe body contain so much unreleased tension? 

 

“I see.” His words appeared to have acted as a trigger, enticing Newt to melt under his touch. Thin arms were flung around his torso, sandy hair tickling his ear as a nose was tucked into the crook of his neck. Jacob returned the embrace on reflex, a sudden chill creeping up on him as the sensation of wetness against his neck took meaning. The most magnificent wizard he had ever met was clinging to him, his tears shared between their skins as his body trembled with such a  _ passion _ that it nearly startled him. 

 

“You… You have no idea what this means… I’ve been so afraid, and I didn’t want to lose you. I’m awfully skilled at losing people…” The words were muffled, mumbled directly into neck and tainted by the dampness of his cheeks, but he couldn’t have heard them clearer. 

 

Unable to pass up this opportunity to display a rare moment of wit, a smile twitched up on Jacob’s lips, nearly pushing out a telltale droplet of his own. “What’s this? Newt Scamander,  _ worrying  _ about something? This belongs in the history books.” He felt the curvature of a smile against his neck, a ticklish vibration of a laugh warming him to the core, nearly tempting him to cry himself.

 

He raised his hand, fingers threading through Newt’s hair which was already mussed from (apparently) chasing about a troublesome demiguise during his morning routine. It was just as soft as the rest of him, and his heart skipped a beat once he felt the push of someone nuzzling back against his touch. Uncanny, how much the young wizard could resemble his dearest creatures, was it not? Jacob adored every unseeming little motion, virtually oozing with affection for this man. 

 

When they kissed, Newt tasted of musk and salt, perfectly calloused hands embracing either side of Jacob’s round face. He was gentle- gentle and  _ soft _ , perfectly in line with the rest of his amazement. The smaller having thrown himself against him, Jacob could feel the intermittent hiccups of relief against his very chest, making it ache in the best way possible. Resting his hands chastely on narrow hips, he held his treasure close with a promise of eternal acceptance.

In that moment, it didn’t matter how many times such a priceless heart had been dropped and cracked, nor who did it nor why. For all Jacob cared, any who wished to do harm to the spectacular Newt Scamander would require to breach him, and he still proudly carried that soldiers’ will of steel.

**Author's Note:**

> The next chapter will include more domestic cuteness I promise.


End file.
